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AD Travis looked at the men seated before him, wondering what he'd
done to deserve this. Team Seven was a great team when it came to getting
things done, but when it came to politics... lets just they sucked. As
a result, they pissed off the wrong person, and now, the entire Denver
ATF, was being audited. NO, not just an internal audit, that would have
been bad enough, no, they had been selected to participate in an independent
evaluation from the lowliest secretary to Travis himself. And not just
there expenditures, but the effectiveness and methodology. In other words,
Team Seven screwed the pooch, and the entire office was paying the price.
"And just how were we supposed to know that asinine ignoramus was
the brother of the Mayor?"
"Mr. Standish, it shouldn't matter if he was the son of Donkey Kong,
you should have treated the man in a manner in keeping with station."
"Travis, the guy just about got us killed. Hell, Chris wasn't the
only one ready to deck the guy. And we controlled ourselves, we didn't
take it out on him. It ain't our fault the guy's car some how ended up
in his office. We didn't do it, did we guys?"
Buck looked around at his fellow miscreants, JD looking as innocent
as the day he was born, Vin trying his best not to smirk, and Ezra not
even bothering to try and simply showing off that gold tooth of his.
Chris just shook his head, while Nathan got that disappointed look in
his eyes, and Josiah tried not to laugh.
Travis was unimpressed to say the least. He didn't care if they did
all vouch for each other, they were the only ones juvenile enough to
pull off something like that.
"It doesn't matter if you did, or didn't. All that matters is that
starting Monday, this office is up for review. They will be examining
everyone's records, past and present, as well as all cases, past and
present, all arrests, expenditures, and injuries."
"Well, we're screwed." Vin was wondering if it would be better to
shoot himself now, of just wait until after the weekend, and give himself
a little time left to enjoy himself.
"I suggest you spend the weekend getting all your records in order."
That settled it. He would do the deed right now. Then again, Vin didn't
want to get the others in trouble for blood on the carpet.
Buck was wondering why he ever volunteered for this gig.
Chris was thinking the same thing.
Josiah's thoughts turned to New York, and that maybe it was time to
head back there.
Nathan was wondering why he dropped out of Med school for this.
Ezra just wanted to be gone.
JD was thinking of faking his death, and hoping that calling in dead
would get him out of this.
Travis left the room, leaving death and destruction in his wake. Figuratively
if not literally. The others just looked around at each other, all thinking
the same thing.
"We are so screwed." JD, being the youngest, in looks if not attitude,
Everybody immediately started to speak, alternating denials with criticism
while trying to shift the blame. Even Chris was getting in the acting,
citing all the times various people, who shall not be named, got hurt
and then snuck out of the hospital.
"Well, it ain't my fault I heal fast!" was Vin's reply. it happened
to fall in a bit of a lull in the conversation (read argument) and everyone
stopped and looked at him. "Um, well I do. I stick around in a hospital
and the next thing you know, they start asking all these questions and..."
"And just why do you heal fast?" Nathan looked at him, with a deadly
gleam in his eye. With all the fuss the guy put up he'd better have a
pretty good explanation.
"Er... umm... well... it's kinda... complicated..."
"How complicated..." Everybody was just staring at Vin, and he was
getting a little red.
"Um, Chris, you wanna help me out a little here?"
"Don't look at me Cowboy, I didn't stick my foot in it."
"Hey, I ain't the only one with secrets, Mr. Time traveler."
"What!" Nathan exclaimed.
"Vin..." Chris had that look in his eyes.
"He-he, oops?" Vin said, totally unrepentant.
"Wait a second, time travel? that ain't possible." Nathan rubbed a
hand over his head, wondering if this was some bizarre nightmare or if
he'd finally lost it and was currently locked up somewhere in a nice
padded room. "Isn't it?"
"Err... umm... well... " Now it was Chris' turn to mumble. "It kinda
"Chris, why the hell didn't you tell me you were part of fugitive
retrireview!" Buck hollered.
"Fugitive what?" Chris looked confused.
"You mean you aren't part of... Um, just forget I said anything."
"What, I said it's nothing."
"What is Fugitive retrireview?"
"Fugitive retrireview is..." A slightly tinny, female voice was heard
emanating from Bucks pocket.
"Shut up Selma. And I thought this was about Vin and his rapid healing."
"Me?" Vin squeaked. "This is about Chris and his apocalyptic future!"
"NO it's not, it's about you..."
"Enough!" Josiah bellowed, getting impressive volume. The fact that
he also thumped the table and creaked it, only went to help gather attention.
"We can talk about this like civilized people or we can spend the weekend
"This is not my fault..."
"I didn't say anything about apocalyptic, now did I..."
"This has nothing to do..."
Nobody had noticed when Nathan had left the room and returned with
a loud speaker.
"Now that I have everyone's attention, let me get this straight. You're
from the future." Nathan pointed at Chris, who gave a reluctant nod.
"And you're also from the future." He pointed at Buck.
"Um, Yeah, but not the same future. It's not the greatest, but I wouldn't
call it apocalyptic. Granted they don't have hamburgers, and they outlawed
"Buck, shut up." Nathan turned to Vin. "What's your story."
"I... umm... I'm kinda a government experiment in genetic engineering
and brain transplants."
"And I though having a vegetable for a girl friend was bad." came
a soft drawl.
"What was that, Ezra?"
"Nothing, oh, nothing Nathan. Please continue." Ezra tried to look
innocent, but didn't succeed.
"A vegetable for a... I don't wanna know." Nathan was getting pretty
sure about the padded room theory. "While we're at it, does anyone else
want to get something off their chest."
Nathan glared meaningfully at Ezra and hence missed JD squirming in
"Well, I'm not exactly as old as I seem."
"JD, you didn't lie on your application did you?" Nathan got a nod
in return. "Just how old are you, 18, 19..."
"Two hundred and thirty one."
Nathan's jaw feel open, followed by Buck's sudden choking on his coffee.
"Holy f..." Buck was speechless. Everyone else at the table was too,
but for Buck to be speechless..."
"And just how does such a miracle occur?" Ezra had dollar signs in
"Hell if I know. I'm kinda Immortal. I can't die. Well I can, but
I come back. And if it doesn't kill me, it just heals pretty quick."
"Okay then... Just out of curiosity, did anyone besides me *not* lie
on their application forms." Nathan wasn't surprised when Ezra didn't
say anything, and so was startled when Josiah did.
"If we're being totally honest right now..."
"Et tu, Brutus" Nathan mumbled.
"More along the lines of Vincent."
"You were born Vincent?"
"Actually I was born half cat, but I was named Vincent." Josiah got
self-conscious as everyone started staring at him. "Plastic surgery can
"Is anyone in this room, besides me normal?" Nathan looked up at the
ceiling, wondering if it was time for his medication in reality, and
if it was, would it make this delusion go away.
"Well, aside from the whole girlfriend turning out to be a vegetable
"I think that was a rhetorical question Ezra." JD said to him, while
the rest of the room fell into silent contemplation of whether they aught
to stop Nathan from pounding his head on the table or let him have that
little bit of normality. After all, the headache he would get, he could
at least explain. "Um, guys, this is all nice and all, but this doesn't
help us with the evaluation on Monday."
"Damn, I should have let the terminator kill me..."
"Selma, I think it's time we moved on..."
"I wish I just died when that train hit me..."
"I wonder what she's up to right now, maybe I should go visit her
for a month or two. Then again, there was Miss. Parker. I hear Blue Cove
is quite nice this time of year..."
"Maybe Father could use some help with Jacob..."
"I'd rather be in Andersonville..."
"If I pinch myself, do you think I'd wake up and find out this was
all a dream?" Nathan gave up on hitting his head, and suddenly pinched
himself. "Nope didn't work."
They fell into silence again, each contemplating the coming audit.
They weren't actually worried about their covers, they'd stood the scrutiny
so far, the likelihood of some pencil pusher seeing through them now
was unlikely. It was the thought of all the paperwork involved that made
them want to scream.
Vin noticed it first. He looked at JD, tilted his head to one side,
shook it, and then nudged Ezra and whispered something to him. Then Ezra
went through the same routine, only nodding and whispering back. Josiah
then scrutinized the young (sorta) Immortal.
"You don't happen to sing do you, JD?"
The object of all the scrutiny turned beet red. Even Nathan started
looking at him intently. "No way. Uh-uh guys, I don't think so."
"The likeness is remarkable, I always had a fondness for his music."
"Um, guys, that wasn't me."
"Who wasn't you." Bucks curiosity was killing him.
"I mean could you see me in some of those out fits?"
"It was the seventies, JD, everybody wore those outfits." Josiah spoke
up. "And it's better than Sewer Gothic."
"Just who are you guys talking about." Chris asked.
Bucks eyes got wide. "He's David Cassidy? I love his music."
"Fine, fine, I was David Cassidy. I needed the money, and they were
holding auditions, and I knew... Wait, why am I explaining this to you
guys, I'm older than you guys, I don't have to explain myself."
"He's got a point there Buck."
"Shut up Chris."
"Hey Doc, I think it's time for my medication..."
End note: The various alter egos are based on other characters our
favorite actors have played at one time or another. For Chris, Kyle Reese
from Terminator, Buck, Darien Lambert from Time Trax, Vin, Michael Wiseman
from Now and Again, Josiah, Vincent from Beauty and the Beast, and Ezra
Chad from Revenge of the Killer Tomatoes (haven't seen it, but heard
a sound clip: My girlfriend is a vegetable!) also a part opposite Miss.
Parker in the Pretender. I admit I cheated with JD. The only roles I
could think of was the part in Andersonville, of which I never caught
the characters name, and I'm to lazy to look it up, and that he played
David Cassidy of the Partridge Family fame, in ... well it was about
David Cassidy. I saw the pictures. As for poor, normal Nathan, the only
role I could think of Rick worthy playing off the top of my head is a
bit part in Sheena, and well... he was bald! not to mention it was Sheena.
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