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The Wizard of OZ
by Debra Baschal
WARNINGS: It's silly? Mild abuse of a children's classic?
Time Keeper in the 4th at Santa Anita?
NOTES: This is in response to the November challenge to
incorporate the 7 into one of your favorite book, either in it's entirety
or just a scene or two. I'll be the first to admit I used the movie version
of The Wizard of OZ, My nieces have been wearing it out since summertime
they're favorite person to imitate from it is The Witch. [it's soooo
cute to see an adorable 3 year old or her equally adorable 4 year old
sister trying to be the mean wicked witch] I think my sister is starting
to hate it and Mary Poppins.
To set the scene, The 7 were heading out on a training exercise
in Kansas when a twister picks up the minibus carrying them. When they
come too, they're in Oz. All the axles are busted on the van and there
is a pair of legs sticking out from underneath. After Glinda and The
Wicked Witch of the West show up and they discover that they've accidentally
killed The Wicked Witch on the East, Glinda moves the ruby-red boots
on to Chris's feet. Of course The Wicked Witch of the West wants them
back, THEN she takes a good look at the man IN the boots and the men
with him. Now she's after them all, for reasons that have no place in
a G movie. They pull their gear out of the minivan and take off for
The Emerald City. [After Buck tries to pick Glinda up and Ezra entertains
the Munchkins with card tricks.]
Oh yeah, they do realize that everything looks like the movie.
They spend some time trying to figure out if they're really there or
if someone's having a nightmare, not to mention making comparisons as
they go. Along the way they pick up the Scarecrow, even though he is
the property of the farmer whose fields he was guarding. However since
he does appear to be alive they take him along figuring that it's better
than leaving the idiot out there by himself. [Even if he does show some
intelligence with a few of his ideas].
Just after they encounter the Apple trees and get pelted with apples,
[Josiah and Buck are ready to turn them into firewood] they meet the
Tinman, who they oil up good and decide to take with them, figuring that
his axe may come in handy. They've also checked the cabin for any supplies
they can use.
"You reckon we should get moving?" Vin asked, as Tinman started moving
easier as they divided the new gear they had found into their packs.
He was just thankful that even though everything looked like the old
movie that it wasn't a musical. He'd feel stupid having to sing and dance.
"You're right. We also need to start thinking about where we're going
to be spending the night." Chris stated.
"Thought they made the trip in a day in the movie." JD said.
"Naw." Buck shook his head. "There at the end of the movie when she's
back home, Judy said that she tried to get home for days and days. She
was gone for a couple of weeks in the book too."
"When'd you read the book?" Nathan asked, a grin on his face.
Buck's grin grew. "My Mom had the entire OZ series. She read them
all to me when I was little and then I read them myself when I was in
school. They're good adventure stories." He explained.
"Let's get moving, Ladies." Chris growled in mock irritation.
The others all laughed as they grabbed their packs and started down
the yellow brick road.
Before they'd gone more than a few steps a plume of orange-red smoke
shot from the roof of the cabin. With the sound of an explosion The Wicked
Witch of the West appeared where the plume had been.
"Dang, I'd hoped she'd gotten burned when she took off before like
Margaret Hamilton did during filming." Buck muttered in a low voice to
"Picking up a little help along the way Boys?" The witch (who really
did look like Margaret Hamilton did in the movie) cackled, sneering at
the Tinman and Scarecrow.
"What do you want? And you aren't getting these boots." Chris asked
in a growl. This adventure was reminding of the fun he and Adam use to
have watching the movie.
"Why You and your friends, for a looonnng time." She leered at the
7 men. JD instinctively moved behind Buck as each of the others subconsciously
made sure that the others were covered.
She let out a loud cackling laugh as she watched their reactions.
"I'll use you, Scarecrow, to stuff a mattress. And I'll turn you into
a bee hive, Tinman." She threatened.
"You'll have to go through us first." Josiah countered.
"No way we'll let you hurt our friends." Nathan agreed.
"Perhaps she needs more fiber in her diet to lighten up her rather
un-charming disposition." Ezra offered.
"How about a stick of dynamite shoved down her throat." Vin suggested.
The others all turned and stared at him.
"What?" He asked defensively.
"You, suggesting something so violent against a lady?" Ezra voiced
"That ain't no lady." Vin scoffed. "That's an evil witch, and that
means she sold whatever was lady like about her a long time ago."
The others nodded in agreement as they saw his point.
"Leave us alone unless you want to end up like your sister." Chris
"Arhggh!" the witch screamed in laughter.
"I'll get you my Pretty!" The Witch cackled leering lustfully at Chris.
"And your little friends too."
"That's it!" Chris roared as he pulled his Sig from its holster. "No
one threatens my team!" 7 bullets tore through the figure on the roof.
With a shocked _expression on her face, The Wicked Witch of the West
fell from the roof dead.
Checking the body, Chris nodded in satisfaction. "She always terrified
Adam when he was little. I promised him I'd shoot her if she ever threatened
our family." He explained to the others.
Buck started laughing, the others quickly joining in.
"What are ya gonna do about the Wizard, Pard?" Vin asked slyly.
"Since we're not going to her castle," he indicated the now deceased
witch with a jerk of his thumb, "we grab her broom, and get there. Hopefully,
Professor Marvel still has that balloon and it'll hold all of us."
The others nod in agreement.
"Well c'mon Pard. We've gotta lion to scare." Buck grinned, his eyes
"Why don't we just use the Ruby Red Boots the good witch put on Chris
that he can't get off?" JD suggested.
"He does have a point, Brother." Josiah agreed.
"What about the Scarecrow and Tinman? We promised to get them to the
Emerald City so's that wizard could help 'em." Vin countered.
"He does possess a valid argument. We did bestow our assurances to
convey our less fortuitous comrades to the abode of the brummagem necromancer
who regulates this province." Ezra agreed.
"What?" Chris looked at Ezra in confusion. "What is a brummagem necromancer?"
"A fake wizard." The Scarecrow supplied.
"Why do they need him?" JD asked. "All's Professor Marvel gave Scarecrow
was a certificate that said he had an honorary doctorate. He just gave
Tinman a heart shaped pocket watch and a medal to the Lion. They already
had it in them, they just didn't realize it,"
Chris glared at the body on the ground for a moment. Sighing he nodded
to Nathan who was still next to it. "Grab the broom and let's get out
"Chris?" Buck sounded confused.
Chris shrugged, blushing slightly. "We've still gotta Lion to scare
and get that... humbug in the castle heading back to Kansas."
They all started grinning as they started off down the yellow brick
End of scene
From here they continue on down the YBR till they come across the
Lion, who tries to pick a fight with JD since he's the smallest. After
the others pull Buck off of the Lion, they talk him into going along
to the Emerald City with them. As in the book, he carries all of them
across the gaping chasm that stretches for miles in either direction,
one at a time. When they reach the field of Poppies, Josiah mentions
that the flowers are not the type that in one form or another can put
you to sleep. Once at the Emerald City they get in, but by pass the beauty
parlor and head straight for the wizard's palace. There Ezra is able
to talk the guard into letting them in and getting them and audience
with the Wizard. Once inside his chamber, they all admire his special
effects except the 3 from OZ. After a moment Chris goes to the curtain
and pulls it open to reveal the man behind the effects.
He agrees to give the 3 from OZ what they need the scroll, the
watch and the medal and agrees to help the others by using his balloon.
After they send him off by himself, and before Glinda cam float down
on a soap bubble, they all hold hands as Chris clicks his heels together
and mutters the no place like home line almost growling because of how
silly he feels. The next thing any of them realize is they, and their
stuff are back at Chris's ranch with the phone ringing in the background.
When Chris answers it, it's Travis, wanting to know HOW they managed
to lose the ATF's minibus and how they got back.
In other words, everything's back to normal.
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