The Wizard of OZ

by Debra Baschal

WARNINGS: It's silly? Mild abuse of a children's classic? Time Keeper in the 4th at Santa Anita? NOTES: This is in response to the November challenge to incorporate the 7 into one of your favorite book, either in it's entirety or just a scene or two. I'll be the first to admit I used the movie version of The Wizard of OZ, My nieces have been wearing it out since summertime they're favorite person to imitate from it is The Witch. [it's soooo cute to see an adorable 3 year old or her equally adorable 4 year old sister trying to be the mean wicked witch] I think my sister is starting to hate it and Mary Poppins.

To set the scene, The 7 were heading out on a training exercise in Kansas when a twister picks up the minibus carrying them. When they come too, they're in Oz. All the axles are busted on the van and there is a pair of legs sticking out from underneath. After Glinda and The Wicked Witch of the West show up and they discover that they've accidentally killed The Wicked Witch on the East, Glinda moves the ruby-red boots on to Chris's feet. Of course The Wicked Witch of the West wants them back, THEN she takes a good look at the man IN the boots and the men with him. Now she's after them all, for reasons that have no place in a G movie. They pull their gear out of the minivan and take off for The Emerald City. [After Buck tries to pick Glinda up and Ezra entertains the Munchkins with card tricks.]

Oh yeah, they do realize that everything looks like the movie. They spend some time trying to figure out if they're really there or if someone's having a nightmare, not to mention making comparisons as they go. Along the way they pick up the Scarecrow, even though he is the property of the farmer whose fields he was guarding. However since he does appear to be alive they take him along figuring that it's better than leaving the idiot out there by himself. [Even if he does show some intelligence with a few of his ideas].

Just after they encounter the Apple trees and get pelted with apples, [Josiah and Buck are ready to turn them into firewood] they meet the Tinman, who they oil up good and decide to take with them, figuring that his axe may come in handy. They've also checked the cabin for any supplies they can use.

"You reckon we should get moving?" Vin asked, as Tinman started moving easier as they divided the new gear they had found into their packs. He was just thankful that even though everything looked like the old movie that it wasn't a musical. He'd feel stupid having to sing and dance.

"You're right. We also need to start thinking about where we're going to be spending the night." Chris stated.

"Thought they made the trip in a day in the movie." JD said.

"Naw." Buck shook his head. "There at the end of the movie when she's back home, Judy said that she tried to get home for days and days. She was gone for a couple of weeks in the book too."

"When'd you read the book?" Nathan asked, a grin on his face.

Buck's grin grew. "My Mom had the entire OZ series. She read them all to me when I was little and then I read them myself when I was in school. They're good adventure stories." He explained.

"Let's get moving, Ladies." Chris growled in mock irritation.

The others all laughed as they grabbed their packs and started down the yellow brick road.

Before they'd gone more than a few steps a plume of orange-red smoke shot from the roof of the cabin. With the sound of an explosion The Wicked Witch of the West appeared where the plume had been.

"Dang, I'd hoped she'd gotten burned when she took off before like Margaret Hamilton did during filming." Buck muttered in a low voice to the others.

"Picking up a little help along the way Boys?" The witch (who really did look like Margaret Hamilton did in the movie) cackled, sneering at the Tinman and Scarecrow.

"What do you want? And you aren't getting these boots." Chris asked in a growl. This adventure was reminding of the fun he and Adam use to have watching the movie.

"Why You and your friends, for a looonnng time." She leered at the 7 men. JD instinctively moved behind Buck as each of the others subconsciously made sure that the others were covered.

She let out a loud cackling laugh as she watched their reactions.

"I'll use you, Scarecrow, to stuff a mattress. And I'll turn you into a bee hive, Tinman." She threatened.

"You'll have to go through us first." Josiah countered.

"No way we'll let you hurt our friends." Nathan agreed.

"Perhaps she needs more fiber in her diet to lighten up her rather un-charming disposition." Ezra offered.

"How about a stick of dynamite shoved down her throat." Vin suggested. The others all turned and stared at him.

"What?" He asked defensively.

"You, suggesting something so violent against a lady?" Ezra voiced their thoughts.

"That ain't no lady." Vin scoffed. "That's an evil witch, and that means she sold whatever was lady like about her a long time ago."

The others nodded in agreement as they saw his point.

"Leave us alone unless you want to end up like your sister." Chris threatened.

"Arhggh!" the witch screamed in laughter.

"I'll get you my Pretty!" The Witch cackled leering lustfully at Chris. "And your little friends too."

"That's it!" Chris roared as he pulled his Sig from its holster. "No one threatens my team!" 7 bullets tore through the figure on the roof.

With a shocked _expression on her face, The Wicked Witch of the West fell from the roof dead.

Checking the body, Chris nodded in satisfaction. "She always terrified Adam when he was little. I promised him I'd shoot her if she ever threatened our family." He explained to the others.

Buck started laughing, the others quickly joining in.

"What are ya gonna do about the Wizard, Pard?" Vin asked slyly.

"Since we're not going to her castle," he indicated the now deceased witch with a jerk of his thumb, "we grab her broom, and get there. Hopefully, Professor Marvel still has that balloon and it'll hold all of us."

The others nod in agreement.

"Well c'mon Pard. We've gotta lion to scare." Buck grinned, his eyes dancing.

"Why don't we just use the Ruby Red Boots the good witch put on Chris that he can't get off?" JD suggested.

"He does have a point, Brother." Josiah agreed.

"What about the Scarecrow and Tinman? We promised to get them to the Emerald City so's that wizard could help 'em." Vin countered.

"He does possess a valid argument. We did bestow our assurances to convey our less fortuitous comrades to the abode of the brummagem necromancer who regulates this province." Ezra agreed.

"What?" Chris looked at Ezra in confusion. "What is a brummagem necromancer?"

"A fake wizard." The Scarecrow supplied.

"Why do they need him?" JD asked. "All's Professor Marvel gave Scarecrow was a certificate that said he had an honorary doctorate. He just gave Tinman a heart shaped pocket watch and a medal to the Lion. They already had it in them, they just didn't realize it,"

Chris glared at the body on the ground for a moment. Sighing he nodded to Nathan who was still next to it. "Grab the broom and let's get out of here."

"Chris?" Buck sounded confused.

Chris shrugged, blushing slightly. "We've still gotta Lion to scare and get that... humbug in the castle heading back to Kansas."

They all started grinning as they started off down the yellow brick road again.

End of scene

From here they continue on down the YBR till they come across the Lion, who tries to pick a fight with JD since he's the smallest. After the others pull Buck off of the Lion, they talk him into going along to the Emerald City with them. As in the book, he carries all of them across the gaping chasm that stretches for miles in either direction, one at a time. When they reach the field of Poppies, Josiah mentions that the flowers are not the type that in one form or another can put you to sleep. Once at the Emerald City they get in, but by pass the beauty parlor and head straight for the wizard's palace. There Ezra is able to talk the guard into letting them in and getting them and audience with the Wizard. Once inside his chamber, they all admire his special effects except the 3 from OZ. After a moment Chris goes to the curtain and pulls it open to reveal the man behind the effects.

He agrees to give the 3 from OZ what they need the scroll, the watch and the medal and agrees to help the others by using his balloon. After they send him off by himself, and before Glinda cam float down on a soap bubble, they all hold hands as Chris clicks his heels together and mutters the no place like home line almost growling because of how silly he feels. The next thing any of them realize is they, and their stuff are back at Chris's ranch with the phone ringing in the background. When Chris answers it, it's Travis, wanting to know HOW they managed to lose the ATF's minibus and how they got back.

In other words, everything's back to normal.


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