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Obviously not true. AJ/Nick, written for SeSa 2005.
AJ blamed Nick's insomnia. It was that time of the tour where everyone was tired and homesick. Experience had taught them that there would be fewer homicide attempts if they took as much of a break from each other as they could. Kristen, Leighanne and Bayleigh, and Howie's boyfriend Paul had all been around for days, and AJ had been giving serious thought to inviting his mom along for a week or so. He honestly hadn't given much thought to what Nick might be doing to handle the stress. He had his own plate full with exhaustion and working his program in the face of familiar temptations. Nick hadn't complained; in the old days, he wouldn't have shut up if he'd had so much as a hangnail, so AJ assumed he'd let them all know if he couldn't cope. AJ got the first clue that he was wrong when he was walking down the hall at the venue and found Nick squaring off with Deke, one of the lighting guys. "You keep that spot the fuck out of my eyes or your ass will be--" "Carter!" AJ shoved between them, glaring up into Nick's face. "Back the fuck off, Nick," he growled, his voice tight with the effort not to smack Nick upside the head like he deserved. "Deke, he's sorry, and he'll tell you himself when he's pulled his head out of his ass." "No problem, AJ," Deke sounded relieved. "Nick, I'll work on the light, okay?" AJ waited until Deke's footsteps had faded down the hall before he snapped, "What the hell, Carter?" Nick shouldered passed him, knocking him into the wall. "Fuck off." "Nick!" His only answer was a one-fingered salute as Nick rounded the corner. AJ was tempted to follow, but nothing good would come from confronting Nick now, so he took a deep breath and went back to the quiet room to try to calm down before the performance. Kevin glanced up from where he was talking to Kristen as AJ flopped onto the couch. "Something wrong, Jay?" AJ felt a surge of the old, familiar desire to tattle. They didn't treat their crew like that ever, and Kevin would kick Nick's ass when he heard about it. But AJ could talk to Nick about it himself, and he didn't need to win any points with Kevin. He wasn't a kid anymore. "Just a little issue with the lights," he said. "Nothing to worry about." Kevin nodded and went back to his conversation, leaving AJ to ponder the great mystery of what had crawled up Nick's ass this time. To be fair, he hadn't seen Nick lose his temper like that in years, not since things had gotten so bad on the Black and Blue tour. Back then, AJ hadn't been capable of worrying about anyone but himself. The dark circles under Nick's eyes had all but leaped out at him today, reminding him that he wasn't the only one to be feeling the strain. And with Nick's well-known tendency toward insomnia when he got stressed, AJ supposed it wasn't any surprise he was blowing up at people. When they'd first started touring and Nick's sleeplessness had led to tears and tantrums, Brian had been the one to discover that Nick slept fine as long as he was allowed to curl up with one of the guys. Which meant Brian and sometimes Howie, since AJ at fifteen was way too cool to sleep with the baby, and Kevin was too likely to strangle him in his sleep after a day of arguing. As time had passed, they'd all grown closer and their schedules had grown crazier until no one argued with any chance to get sleep, wherever it might be. Eventually, crashing with Nick became as much a comfort for whoever was sleeping with him as it was for Nick himself. AJ was just starting to wonder, with a tinge of guilt, how Nick had managed five years' worth of hiatus when Sandra from wardrobe stuck her head in and said it was time to get ready for the show. They were staying in a pair of suites that night, the cousins and their families in one and Howie, Paul, AJ, and Nick in the other. Nick disappeared into his room as soon as they arrived. AJ went into his own room to shower and mess around on his laptop for a while before slipping across the living room to Nick's room. Without knocking, he opened the door and padded in, making it all the way to Nick's bed before the dark lump in the middle of the mattress stirred. "What the--" "Scoot your ass over, Carter, it's fucking freezing," AJ said, tugging the covers up and starting to climb in. His plan was to assault the bed so quickly that Nick didn't have time to rally a defense. "What is it about these hotels and thinking we're polar bears?" "Maybe if your ass wasn't so skinny," Nick muttered, but he was moving over enough that AJ could lie down comfortably--and even better, right in the warm spot left by Nick's superheated body. "Couldn't you just turn your air down?" "Mmm." AJ shivered in the delicious warmth and rolled closer to his own personal furnace. "Shut up and go to sleep." He was to cozy to stay awake long, but he hadn't quite drifted off yet when he heard the funny little snore that meant Nick had followed orders. ** Nick looked a lot better the next day when they both woke up, and also later when AJ caught him sheepishly apologizing to Deke. AJ gave himself a mental pat on the back. He also decided to give it another night or two before he left Nick on his own, not only to build up Nick's stamina, but also because they'd be on the bus and it was fucking cold no matter how much AJ covered up. Nick didn't even comment when AJ climbed in beside him, just wrapped an arm around him and pulled him close. AJ was asleep in seconds. As always on the bus, he drifted awake several times, but the warmth and the familiar scent of Nick's soap lulled him back to sleep. During one of those times close to dawn, AJ surfaced to the delightful pressure of Nick's cock settled into the crack of his ass. I've done this before, he thought as sleep dragged him back under. The next thought he could clearly recall was, --the fuck? Nick? And not just because Nick's hand was making tiny circles just over the tattoo on his belly button. There was also the issue of the very graphic memory of Nick sliding slowly into his ass, big hands cupped around his hips, guiding him downward. With an undignified squawk, AJ tumbled out of the bunk. Nick peered over the edge of the bunk, smirking. "Something wrong, Jay?" "Nick," AJ should have said, "why the hell am I suddenly remembering having some of the best sex of my life with you and oh my God please tell me you were of age? And, as long as we're on the subject, when the fuck did you stop being straight?" If he'd gotten all of that out in the open right then, he wouldn't have spent the next week regretting what he did say. "Urk." And with that, he fled into the bus's tiny bathroom and stared into the mirror over the sink, trying desperately to remember what had happened. As his panic subsided, AJ realized a few things. First, he probably wasn't a child molester; in his memory, Nick had definitely been fully grown, and AJ hadn't been using badly enough to have blackouts until the Black and Blue tour, when Nick had been twenty-one or so. What AJ couldn't figure out was why Nick was having sex with him, AJ, when as far as AJ knew, only he and Howie walked on the sparklier side of the Force. Nick had never shown any interest in sex with men, but he'd do just about anything if you got him drunk enough. Hell, he'd do almost anything one of the guys wanted him to do, drunk or not. There had been a time when AJ had taken a twisted satisfaction in pulling Nick along the same destructive path he was headed down. For an even longer time, AJ had hidden a strong dose of lust for Nick's growing assets. If he'd tricked or coerced Nick into having sex with him, he'd never forgive himself. Worse, he didn't see how Nick or the other guys would be able to, either. By the time Howie's insistent pounding on the door had reached a level AJ couldn't ignore it anymore, AJ hadn't remembered anything more than the feel of Nick's tongue stroking up the back of his neck. What normally would have been good for a week's worth of jerking off made him feel more than a little dirty. The feeling only intensified when he found Nick avoiding him over the next few days. As little as he wanted to, AJ knew he had to sit Nick down and talk about what happened--if he was in the wrong, promptly admit it and make whatever amends were possible. And then maybe go throw himself under a train. Nick had other plans, diving behind Leighanne and Bayleigh every time AJ came close and looking at AJ with a coldness AJ hadn't seen since his drunk-off-his-ass days. AJ couldn't figure out what the hell had twisted his shorts. It defied belief that Nick had suddenly remembered their night of scorchingly hot screwing around at the same time AJ had. Either Nick had been too wasted at the time to remember what happened, making AJ an even worse specimen of slime than he'd ever suspected, or Nick remembered and had been treating AJ normally until now. AJ intended to find out which as soon as he could pin Nick down. And he would, sooner or later. Leighanne or no Leighanne, AJ was still older, wiser, and most importantly, sneakier. "What's the deal with you and Nick?" Howie asked one afternoon on the bus, plopping down next to AJ on the couch and interrupting his scheme to kidnap Nick and tie him up in his bunk until he told what he knew. AJ leaned his head on Howie's shoulder. "I fucked up." "I figured." Howie rubbed the hair at back of AJ's head, taking the sting out of his words. "Want to talk about it?" AJ wanted nothing more. "Not till I've straightened it out with Nick." Howie pressed a light kiss to AJ's temple as he stood. "Whenever you need me, babe." He paused. "Just don't take too long before you straighten things out, okay? I think Nick's not sleeping again." So AJ was left feeling even more like an ass than ever, and the feeling only intensified when he saw Nick get off the other bus at the next venue. If the dark circles and grayish complexion weren't bad enough, the way Nick actually staggered coming off the bus made AJ feel sick. The sight made up his mind for him; he was going to talk to Nick on that stop even if he had to buy earplugs for Bayleigh and explain the entire mess to Leighanne, Kristen, and the whole crew. He hoped he could be a little more subtle than that, though, particularly since he had no scruples about taking advantage of Nick's current weakness to ambush him. Their current venue was one they'd played at several times. After the first time, they'd figured out that they needed an extra day before they performed to adjust the sets and their routines to the odd set-up of the stage. The situation was incredibly convenient for AJ's plan. Such as it was. AJ bided his time as they worked through the old routines that they'd already changed over the years to accommodate the U-shaped stage. They still had the new songs to adjust the choreography for, and tempers would fray enough without bringing personal problems into the mix. His best bet would be at the hotel that night. He had no fear of catching Nick when he was sleeping. But in the end, it was Kevin who caught Nick, literally, when Nick stumbled into him and just kept going down. AJ's heart froze. He lunged, knowing he was too late, and nearly crashed into Brian, who was moving in the same direction. It seemed like everyone was converging on the same spot while Kevin was yelling something about air and someone else was yelling for a doctor and AJ's heart still wasn't beating. Then he saw Nick sit up, waving off Kevin's efforts to keep him still although he did rest his head on his knees. The thud in AJ's chest was so hard it hurt, but he didn't care. He dropped down on Nick's other side, resting his hand beside Kevin's on Nick's trembling shoulder. "Where's the doctor?" Howie was saying from directly behind AJ. "What the hell happened?" Brian asked, crouching in front of Nick and taking his hands to massage gently between Brian's own. "Nicky?" AJ barely listened to them, for once in his life tongue-tied by the conflicting desires to wrap Nick up and take him off somewhere quiet to rest and to smack him upside the head until he grew some sense and started taking better care of himself, because AJ was way too young for the heart attack Nick seemed bent on giving him. But, since Kevin looked stressed enough to smack AJ if he took either option, AJ stuck to a trick he'd learned from Howie and just rubbed the soft hairs at the nape of Nick's neck as the doctor jogged up and started checking Nick over. When AJ felt Nick lean into him a little, he had to blink quickly for a moment to keep from starting an incident that would probably end up in the tabloids. If it wasn't already headed there. He checked the surrounding faces, but all he saw belonged to security or crew or family; no one who hadn't proven themselves trustworthy more than once before now. With a sigh of relief, AJ turned back to the doctor, a semi-retired man named Pete Dossler who had done parts of other tours with them in the past. "Rest and fluids," Dr. Dossler was saying as he folded up his stethoscope and packed it into his duffel bag. "And by that I mean sleep and water, not video games and Mountain Dew." "Shouldn't he go to the hospital?" Brian asked. "He nearly passed out." "His heart, pulse, and blood pressure are good," Dr. Dossler said patiently. "Given that he said he hasn't been sleeping, I suspect that sleep is the best thing for him. Of course I'll keep an eye on him for the next few days, and if there are any repeats of this incident, then we'll discuss a visit to the nearest hospital." Nick managed a decent smile. "I'm fine, Bri. Don't be such a worrywart." "Don't pass out in front of me if you don't want me worrying." Brian looked over at Kevin for a moment, and then sighed. "Nick, if you're sure you're just tired..." AJ could feel Nick's faint sigh, but he didn't think Brian would have been able to see it. "That's all, Brian, honest." Seizing the opportunity, AJ said, "I'll go back to the hotel with him and get him settled in, okay?" Nick's sigh was probably visible to everyone this time, but he didn't protest. AJ chose to see that as a good sign. "Good idea," Howie said. "We can get most of the work done today without you guys, and then we'll just show you what you need to know before soundcheck tomorrow." Kevin was frowning, although whether it was because he didn't like the plan or he just wasn't in favor of Nick swooning at his feet, AJ wasn't sure. But then he reached out and mussed up Nick's hair and then left his hand sitting there like a blessing. "Get some rest, kiddo. And remind me to kick your ass the next time you pull this, understand?" Nick nodded. "Someone give me a hand up?" Hands came from every direction. Nick swayed slightly as he stood and didn't object when Mark, one of their security guys, put a steadying hand on his arm. AJ stayed close on the other side, but Nick made it to the SUV without any problems. As they settled into the back seat, Nick leaned his head back and closed his eyes, and he didn't object at all when AJ reached over and held his hand. By the time they reached Nick's hotel room, whatever color had come back into Nick's face was gone. He dropped onto the bed while AJ dug a clean t-shirt and sweats out of his luggage. When AJ came over and tugged his practice shirt over his head, he gave a half-hearted glare. "I can do that." "So can I." AJ finished the job, trying to be both gentle and impersonal. Somehow, that made the images from his night of amazing sex come even faster and more intensely than before. AJ gritted his teeth and tried to remember that he might have been the world's biggest bastard that night. "Under covers, Nicky." "You're not my mommy, AJ." Nick crawled under the covers anyway, lying back with his arm tucked behind his head in a way that was disturbingly sexy. AJ grabbed frantically for his back pocket and dug out the packet of cigarettes. He only remembered to check for a No Smoking sign after he had already lit up, but when he didn't see one and no alarms immediately went off, he decided he was okay. Nick watched him, blinking slowly. "I'm supposed to be sleeping," he said after AJ had paced from the window to the vanity outside the bathroom and back a few times. "So why don't you get lost and let me?" "You won't sleep if I leave, dumbass." AJ took one last drag and rinsed the butt of his cigarette out in the sink. Heading back to the bed, he started to climb in. "Scoot over." Nick shoved his leg over to block AJ. "Yeah, 'cause that worked so well last time." Sitting down on Nick's leg, AJ poked Nick's ribs through the covers. "We need to talk about that." AJ was watching Nick's expression for a reaction; the bright, plastic, made-for-reporters smile he got left him feeling ill. "What's there to say? I come on to you, you run away so fast I might as well have light a fire under your ass. I'd say that's a pretty clear message." A small, sardonic part of AJ's brain was telling him that it was really too bad he wasn't any of the other guys. There was plenty in what Nick said that he should be dealing with, but his mind had stopped on five little words and couldn't seem to get passed them. "You were coming on to me?" "Oh, that helps, McLean. That fucking helps a whole lot." Nick yanked his leg out from under AJ and rolled over. AJ stared at his back, absentmindedly toeing off his shoes and crawling under the covers while he had the chance. Never let it be said that AJ McLean didn't know a good opportunity when it bit him in the ass, although he was apparently clueless when it was rubbing him in sexy little circles on his belly. "Fuck." "Well, if you hadn't run into the bathroom..." "Smartass." AJ thumped Nick on the shoulder, and then pulled him back so that he could see his face. "You were really--" Nick nodded at him, eyes wide. "And I--" "Yeah, you did." Nick's eyebrows suddenly looked like Kevin's. It was spooky. "I can explain that." The sick feeling was back in AJ's stomach, and he found himself wrapping his hand around Nick's wrist as if he could somehow hold on to ten years of friendship that way. "Jay? What is it?" "You remember that time we, um," AJ tried to think of a way to say it that wouldn't bring up potentially traumatic memories, "kind of had sex on the Black and Blue tour?" Nick grinned reminiscently. "You mean that time you didn't believe I'd had any experiences with men until I proved it to you?" AJ felt almost the same way he had when Nick had passed out earlier. "You--" He swallowed. "So you do remember." "I remember you never said anything about it." Nick's grin had faded, some of the coldness of the previous week coming back into his expression. "I figured it must have sucked for you, huh?" That was so Nick, saying the hurtful things first to take the sting out of them, but however much of an ass AJ had been through this, he had found one way to make honest amends. "Hmm. I don't remember sucking. The licking was fucking fantastic, though," he said, running his tongue over his lips slowly just in case Nick was too tired to get his meaning. Nick's grin widened again. "Yeah?" "Yeah." AJ wanted to leave it at that, but he wasn't that kind of person anymore. "Thing is, that morning? The reason I fell out of the bunk? That was the first time I remembered that. I was kind of freaking out." "I could tell." Nick yawned and squirmed around until he was on his side facing AJ. "Why didn't you just tell me?" AJ could feel his face growing hot. Of all the times to try to be an honest man. "I was afraid I might have done something to hurt you." "Idiot. Don't you think I would have told Kevin on you?" AJ laughed, weirdly relieved. "Yeah. Anyway, I'm sorry, man. Sorry I was an ass then, and sorry I'm an ass now." Nick yawned again, his eyes drooping. "Good thing I like your ass. Maybe I'll let you make it up to me." AJ reached out, brushing a lock of floppy blond hair out of Nick's eyes. "Yeah? Promise?" "Mmm-hmm." "After you get some sleep?" "Mmm." Smiling, AJ settled into the pillows, looking for a comfortable spot. Nick frowned at the movement, opening heavy eyes. "Stay here?" "I'm not going anywhere." "Good." As Nick drifted off, AJ leaned forward to press a kiss against his temple and then one to his lips, a promise of things to come. |
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